I must be old. Last night I watched (begrudgingly) the MTV Movie Awards, and I was shocked by how raunchy the show is now. Jersey Shore, The Real World, and The Challenge are on my DVR line-up, so I appreciate some old-fashioned debauchery from the “music” channel, but during an awards show? Really? It has been a long time since I have watched one of these, so maybe I am out of touch. I don’t know what I expected, but I would like to think that MTV still considers me part of its demographic (young, music fan) and I wasn’t impressed. It seems MTV has broken up with me for a younger, dim-witted floozie…and that’s just fine.
The host of this year’s award show was Jason Sudeikis. I had to ask Boyfriend three times who this guy was and even he didn’t know. Thankfully Sudeikis told us (those that haven’t seen Hall Pass) who he is, but I still questioned the hosting choice. He was mildly entertaining, but I stopped snickering after the fifth (I counted) Arnold Schwarzenegger joke. I appreciated his attempt at humiliating celebs in the audience (rule #1 for awards show hosts these days), but his uncomfortably tight jacket and awkward pauses were too distracting to take him seriously. Then again, Sudeikis probably wasn’t talking to me anyway.
The host didn’t do it for me, but I kept watching anyway to kill time before The Real Housewives finale (priorities people!). I probably should have just watched QVC for an hour instead because at least that wouldn’t have felt so dirty. Did we really need to relive Mila and Natalie’s sex scene from Black Swan at 9 pm on a Sunday? Did we really just witness a cartoon mouse come out from a cartoon pig’s dress and zip up its pants? Did anyone think Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis’ onstage grope session was funny/hot/amusing? Not to be prudish, but all of it just seemed tacky if not completely off-color for their target audience, which I have to assume are preteens considering the premiere of Teen Wolf after the show.
Moving on. Let’s talk about how the show should be renamed “The Twilight Kids Are Here to Accept Their Award.” I am one of the few who has never read the series, never seen the movies, and couldn’t care less about Edward and Jacob. What is all of the hubbub about with these three? One is attractive albeit still a teenager, the other seems like a brooding/edgy/alternative/English dude (yawn), and the girl always looks like she’s tweaking and pissed off. None of them can string together two coherent sentences, yet they have a cult-like following that is probably reading this and plotting my demise. I don’t get it, what could possibly be so great about vampire weirdos?
Now for my favorite part of the show: Reese Witherspoon gets an award for being in a million romantic comedies, the blondest of blondes, and over the age of 30. The idea was to have Patrick Dempsey, Rob Pattinson, and Chelsea Handler speak about Reese’s accomplishments and give her the award, but somehow it turned into a complete disaster.
Patrick Dempsey did his part well and passed the torch to Mr. Pattinson. It went downhill from there. Who decided to let Rob Pattinson ad lib his part?! For the next three minutes my mouth was agape and my eyes bugged out watching the most spectacular display of uncomfortable television ever. He couldn’t read his paper, he nervously giggled throughout the whole thing, flubbed a punchline to a joke, and made sure to drop an F-bomb so we all know he’s really cool and edgy. What a waste of time! Chelsea Handler tried to get the show back on track with her two cents, but the moment still reeked of awkward. Finally, Reese walked up to the podium looking like she just left a bar at 3 am and stopped by the show on her way home. She gave a nice, pretentious speech about her hatred for reality show “celebs” and alluded to a possible sex tape in her past. She’s so sweet…seriously?!
At that point, my guilty pleasure called and I had to switch channels, so I don’t know how it ended. While I get that the show content is probably a reflection of no one caring about movie awards (aside from the Oscars) and MTV needing ratings, I felt like I needed a shower after watching this train wreck. Based on what my 20-something-year-old self watched last night, I can see why my mom exercised her Parental Blocking rights (thanks Time Warner) with MTV when I was in high school. It was a valiant attempt at sheltering me from the likes of what I witnessed last night, but she had to know I would find a way to watch. After all, I was that younger, dim-witted floozie.
In related news: I can’t wait for the next season of The Challenge!
Did you watch last night? What did you think?
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