Obsessed!

I Don’t Want My MTV

I must be old. Last night I watched (begrudgingly) the MTV Movie Awards, and I was shocked by how raunchy the show is now. Jersey Shore, The Real World, and The Challenge are on my DVR line-up, so I appreciate some old-fashioned debauchery from the “music” channel, but during an awards show? Really? It has been a long time since I have watched one of these, so maybe I am out of touch. I don’t know what I expected, but I would like to think that MTV still considers me part of its demographic (young, music fan) and I wasn’t impressed. It seems MTV has broken up with me for a younger, dim-witted floozie…and that’s just fine.

The host of this year’s award show was Jason Sudeikis. I had to ask Boyfriend three times who this guy was and even he didn’t know. Thankfully Sudeikis told us (those that haven’t seen Hall Pass) who he is, but I still questioned the hosting choice. He was mildly entertaining, but I stopped snickering after the fifth (I counted) Arnold Schwarzenegger joke. I appreciated his attempt at humiliating celebs in the audience (rule #1 for awards show hosts these days), but his uncomfortably tight jacket and awkward pauses were too distracting to take him seriously. Then again, Sudeikis probably wasn’t talking to me anyway.

The host didn’t do it for me, but I kept watching anyway to kill time before The Real Housewives finale (priorities people!). I probably should have just watched QVC for an hour instead because at least that wouldn’t have felt so dirty. Did we really need to relive Mila and Natalie’s sex scene from Black Swan at 9 pm on a Sunday? Did we really just witness a cartoon mouse come out from a cartoon pig’s dress and zip up its pants? Did anyone think Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis’ onstage grope session was funny/hot/amusing? Not to be prudish, but all of it just seemed tacky if not completely off-color for their target audience, which I have to assume are preteens considering the premiere of Teen Wolf after the show.

Moving on. Let’s talk about how the show should be renamed “The Twilight Kids Are Here to Accept Their Award.” I am one of the few who has never read the series, never seen the movies, and couldn’t care less about Edward and Jacob. What is all of the hubbub about with these three? One is attractive albeit still a teenager, the other seems like a brooding/edgy/alternative/English dude (yawn), and the girl always looks like she’s tweaking and pissed off. None of them can string together two coherent sentences, yet they have a cult-like following that is probably reading this and plotting my demise. I don’t get it, what could possibly be so great about vampire weirdos?

Now for my favorite part of the show: Reese Witherspoon gets an award for being in a million romantic comedies, the blondest of blondes, and over the age of 30. The idea was to have Patrick Dempsey, Rob Pattinson, and Chelsea Handler speak about Reese’s accomplishments and give her the award, but somehow it turned into a complete disaster.

Patrick Dempsey did his part well and passed the torch to Mr. Pattinson. It went downhill from there. Who decided to let Rob Pattinson ad lib his part?! For the next three minutes my mouth was agape and my eyes bugged out watching the most spectacular display of uncomfortable television ever. He couldn’t read his paper, he nervously giggled throughout the whole thing, flubbed a punchline to a joke, and made sure to drop an F-bomb so we all know he’s really cool and edgy. What a waste of time! Chelsea Handler tried to get the show back on track with her two cents, but the moment still reeked of awkward. Finally, Reese walked up to the podium looking like she just left a bar at 3 am and stopped by the show on her way home. She gave a nice, pretentious speech about her hatred for reality show “celebs” and alluded to a possible sex tape in her past. She’s so sweet…seriously?!

At that point, my guilty pleasure called and I had to switch channels, so I don’t know how it ended.  While I get that the show content is probably a reflection of no one caring about movie awards (aside from the Oscars) and MTV needing ratings, I felt like I needed a shower after watching this train wreck. Based on what my 20-something-year-old self watched last night, I can see why my mom exercised her Parental Blocking rights (thanks Time Warner) with MTV when I was in high school. It was a valiant attempt at sheltering me from the likes of what I witnessed last night, but she had to know I would find a way to watch. After all, I was that younger, dim-witted floozie.

In related news: I can’t wait for the next season of The Challenge!

Did you watch last night? What did you think?

Wednesday Mourning

Today is Oprah’s last show on network TV, so given that I am in mourning today (yes, I am wearing black) there will be no new post. Instead, I direct you to Church of Oprah to see how crazies like me worship the living legend. Will you be watching today?

P.S. Don’t forget to subscribe to The Spicy Meatball. Makes me feel good. Enter your email address in the box to the right.

Teach Me How to Twitter…

The Spicy Meatball is now on Twitter, so I guess that means I should learn how to use Twitter…

So far I’ve made a profile, added a few of my favorite people, and tweeted some real gems. Now if I can only get a follower or two, I’ll be in good shape. I am still a tad confused on the Retweet thing, so someone please tell me what it means/how to do it. If you have Twitter, make sure you follow me @ThSpicyMeatball, and I’ll be sure to return the favor.

Happy Tweeting!

P.S. What you seen from Spicy on Twitter wont be the same content you read on this blog. Oh, I bet you’re intrigued now!

Church of Oprah

Anyone who knows me knows I belong to the Church of Oprah. I watch her show, subscribe to her magazine, watch the OWN network, read her book club selections, reference her in daily life, think about what she’s doing during the day….full-on crazy-girl obsession. If I don’t get my Oprah for the day, stay away. Why? Hold on tight.

Aside from a short list of people, there hasn’t been another person who has influenced my life like Oprah has. I have learned more about myself, my relationships, my past, and my future from her teachings without ever being in the same room with her. I know it’s probably a mental health issue, but for whatever reason I feel like I am friends with Oprah (and Gayle too). How can one person have this much influence over a perfect stranger?

It’s pretty simple, she’s not just a person, she’s a religion. If you think about the recipe for religion (an icon, a set of principles, followers/believer, and a place to worship, and some proof), Oprah has all the ingredients. (All my fellow believers, nod your head.) Here is my argument:

The Church of Oprah

Icon

She’s not Jesus, but she’s held in reverence and leads people to places. Whether she’s building communities after Hurricane Katrina, educating and giving hope to young girls in Africa, giving away her favorite things, endorsing a future president, or teaching women how to find the right bra, Oprah has a platform and uses it for the greater good. While I don’t believe Oprah is for everyone, there is no question about her contribution to society and her influence in the way people live their life. Personally, I will be forever grateful that I know how to pick the right bra, and let’s be honest, that is for the greater good.

Set of Principles

You only have to watch her show once to get the gist of where Oprah comes from. Where Bethenny Frankle comes from “A Place of Yes” (we will get to her in another post), Oprah comes from a place of “Live Your Best Life.” Who is not trying to do that? Similar to the Ten Commandments, Oprah tells her followers “What I know for sure,” which serves as a list of life lessons to follow in order to lead your best life. My favorite is “worrying is a waste of time.” I can’t tell you how many times I have worried about running out of gas on my way to the gas station…and I have made it every time.

Followers/Believers

Watch The Oprah Effect and you will see that Oprah’s following is something of epic power. Not only do we follow her set of principles, but we are dying to get on her show, because there is no question it would change our life. Given that her talk show is ending next month, I know I will probably never get see her live and in color, but it’s not for lack of trying. I have tried to get tickets to the show, I have thought about living a double life, I attempted the Great American Novel, I even dress like a shlumpadinka so someone will tell her I need a makeover, and yet I am still no closer to her than I am to Jesus. Sigh.

Worship

I, like many other followers, bow to her alter every day at 4 p.m. (or whenever I get to the DVR). I am always excited to learn or think about something in a new way. I admit she’s gone a little crazy with bringing back the has beens of the 60s, 70s, and 80s this season, but I will cut her some slack…I guess. I prefer the more thought-provoking, tear-jerking, do people really live this way shows. Either way, I love what she has to say, and I love that she makes me think about my life differently.

Proof

Among my group of friends, there are believers and nonbelievers. I make it appoint to share the teachings of Oprah (oh, do they love it) as well as how she’s worked in my life. My favorite proof of how Oprah has worked in my life is my vision board. I started it years ago after watching one of her shows on the Law of Attraction, and I have been shocked at how many things on the board have come up in my life…hello Boyfriend. Was it coincidence? Maybe, but I’d like to think Oprah had something to do with it.

So what do you think? Is Oprah your religion?

(Please note this post was written with tongue firmly in cheek.)

Inside the World of Moderate Couponing

A couple of months ago I discovered something that changed my life: couponing. It’s an age old practice of course, but I had never tested the waters so I was unaware of the incredible natural high of cutting, organizing, and planning. I am admittedly a type A person, so naturally I am drawn to all things obsessive, organized, neat etc. So when I heard there is a way to manipulate the grocery store beyond the basic list, I was in. I know, it’s kind of Kook-a-Doodle-Do.

Last December, TLC aired a show called Extreme Couponing, and while I missed the one-time special I did hear about it online and decided to investigate. Big mistake. I felt the excitement come over me like a title wave, and I quickly decided I had to know how these people get a room full of crap for free. Turns out, extreme couponers are no joke. Lots of them seem to let their obsession get in the way of normal practices, like talking to their spouse once in a while. Even though TLC set these people up to look like they’re Intervention-style addicts, I thought I would give it a shot, doubting I would succumb to a full-blown addiction.

After scouring the internet for every video, website, couponing source, and “how to” guide I could find, I concluded that I probably don’t have what it takes to become a full-time extreme couponer (I do have a normal 9-5 afterall). However, I did decide that I can do my own lightweight version and find it just as thrilling. Here is how my system works compared to the extremers out there.

1. Subscribe to the paper.

This is essential if you’re going to be extreme and you have a lot of room to store your loot. I live in a 700 square foot palace, so I don’t have the luxury of keeping tons of crap, I mean stuff, around. The idea behind multiple subscriptions is that if you can get one item for free, why not 50 for free? Um, because who needs 50 Secret deodorants…ever? I only get one copy of the newspaper to get my coupons, and I don’t even have a subscription (we have a love/hate relationship). Instead, I have tasked my grandmother with saving her inserts every week for me. She’s nice enough to do so.

2. Create a binder.

Organizing your coupons is key. The recommendation is that you clip them all and organize them into a binder. That takes forever, I tried it. Instead, I keep all my coupons (still in the inserts) inside the folder of my binder with the date on the outside. I organize all the rouge coupons I acquire in baseball card holders inside. I still feel like a tool walking into the grocery with my binder, but that might be because I use a hot pink binder and I carry it around like a child.

3. Stay up to date on all coupon deals.

Staying up to date on all things coupon is a job in itself. My strategy is to pick a couple of stores (Kroger, CVS, Target) and check my favorite couponing sites for weekly updates. I only pick items I would actually use (instead of going for every freebie), and I make sure to toss expired coupons immediately. The websites tell you all the deals, so there really is not much to it if you’re of normal intelligence.

4. Match it up.

The basic principle of moderate couponing is that you buy items when they go on sale, with a coupon. Sometimes you can stack a manufacturer’s coupon with a store coupon to buy a product that’s on sale. That’s when the euphoria hits! Granted, you will not be able to find everything you need this way (sometimes the generic price is a better deal), but I figure if I am going to the store anyway, why not try to get a good deal?

5. Save money.

I know all this seems like a lot of work, but it’s really not when you adopt the moderate couponing principles. Truthfully, I spend less than one hour a week getting organized for my trip to the store. Does it really save me that much money? Yes. By utilizing websites it’s simple to know which stores have deals that match up with your coupons, and the savings adds up. I once got $38 worth of Kroger goods for $11, not too shabby.

I don’t know if I’ll keep up with this forever, but for right now, a good deal still gives me a good high. For those of you interested in the phenomenon, or just want to see some good old-fashioned crazy, TLC has turned its one-time special into a full-on season that starts tomorrow night. I know I’ll be watching, will you?

My Favorite Couponing Sites:

Coupondivas.com

TheKrazyCouponLady.com

StretchingABuck.com

See How It’s Done